get to know your nasty side

If you get to know your nasty side then you’re half way at least to understanding who you are. We all want to be nice people but inevitably we have tendencies every so often to be mean to other people. It’s almost in our nature; we can’t help it sometimes. Inevitably someone will annoy, irritate or disappoint us and we say that sneery or sarcastic thing that just pops out of our mouths before we think. As with everything opposites go on side by side. Where there is light there is also darkness; where there is hope there is also despair lurking. Sometimes we feel confident, the next minute we are easily made to feel put down, humiliated, exposed. We often respond to these situations by lashing back, stung with hurt but not wanting to show others or expose how hurt we are. Confidence is capricious; there one minute, gone the next with often very little notice of why this has happened.

If we get to understand where our nasty side comes from we can admit to those dark feelings that drag us down like jealousy, hatred and aggression. Being able to say ‘I’m jealous of her, I wish I were confident like she is” is a big step forward. It means those feelings we don’t like to admit to ourselves are out in the open instead of hidden away behind layers of denial or a strong defensive attitude which scares both ourselves and others.

It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that there will always be people who are nicer than we are, kinder than we are, more beautiful than we are, richer than we are, more talented than we are, cleverer than we are. Hard to think that our dreams of being special, shining out and influencing others have come to very little in our own eyes. Life’s hard sometimes but it’s made even harder if we give ourselves a hard time. Most people I see are hard on themselves; they give themselves a much harder time than they give others. They feel unworthy of happiness or happiness scares them; it is safe to remain miserable, you can bump along and not be disappointed; accepting happiness means the possibility of disappointment. If you get to know your nasty side you can in some way cope with the nastiness of others and safeguard a space and patch of ground for happiness or pleasure to emerge.